Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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