Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
