I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize