this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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