one two three fourrrrnication!
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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