hotel room ftw
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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