you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
