Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
They took my balls.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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