somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
i believe in u and ur pee
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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