Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
