i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
