He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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