Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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