i just sent this text using only my big toe
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
