I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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