I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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