I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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