Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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