I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize