when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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