In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
