Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize