she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
