you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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