your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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