Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
