I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
