Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
