these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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