I looked at my own cervix.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize