If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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