i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i came on her dog
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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