remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
