yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
zippers are such a cool invention
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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