so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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