I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize