Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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