The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Randomize