Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
