i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
