she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
