he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
