I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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