"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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