Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
