dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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