so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
i think i just lost a toe
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
