something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
