first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
