Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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