thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
