so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
