If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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