Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
