She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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