My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My vagina just clenched in fear
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
