u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
