Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
