I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize