2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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