My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
