Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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