My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
