He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize