Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
