dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You were trust falling into bushes
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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