I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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