YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
